Love Bytes with Sex Expert Tracey Cox: Blogs at iVillage.com

Love Bytes

Being Friends With an Ex

Can you really be friends with an ex? I think you can. I know a lot of the time we say ‘Let’s be friends’ even though we know damn well we’ll be crossing the street to avoid them from then on, there are times when you really do mean it. Love changes into caring and before you know it, you’re boyfriend has turned into a best friend.

Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

Friendships with exes are special: there’s a comfortableness that you’re only really able to achieve between men and women once sex is out of the way. So of course exes can be friends! But there are two golden rules you must abide by. You need to give each other time to make the transition from lovers to friends and the split has to be pretty mutual. In other words, neither of you is still in love with the other or has a hidden agenda of wanting to take it further.

Another word of warning, be wary of using exes as substitute boyfriends. If you’re such good friends you rarely venture out without the other, your chances of meeting someone new are slim. Everyone who knows you will assume you’ve still got something going and strangers always assume any male/female combo is a couple. And let’s face it: no matter how cool you are, it’s pretty hard to watch someone you loved chat someone up or be chatted up.

Then there’s the sex thing. Sex with an ex is awfully tempting when you’re both out, a little bit tiddly - as horny as hell and - here’s the clincher - you’ve done it with them before! It feels like the perfect solution - far better than a one-night-stand with a stranger for instance! - but as much as you’re right on that one, I’d still steer clear. It’s hard enough moving from girlfriend and boyfriend to friends, moving back into halfway land makes it even more confusing. Sex does weird things to women. Mother Nature makes us secrete and absorb all sorts of hormones designed to make you want to make babies the minute you’re making whoopee. If you didn’t still secretly hold a candle for him before having sex, you might fine the flame reignites. Is that a good or a bad thing? Up to you. But don’t say you haven’t been warned…

Don't miss out on any fun!



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January 10 at 10:48 AM | | Comments (205) Bookmark This Post!

205 Comments

Lavidaloca said:

I chose not to be friends with my ex and though he did not agree with me initially, he came to see my point. It was a hard breakup..and being friends with him and not being able to be with him would be too hard on me, I just couldnt do it..so he respected that.Some people would say differently but then again, everyone has unique situations. All i could say is do what you feel is right for you. I did.

January 11, 2008 2:07 PM
joanne said:

My husband and I remained good friends after our seperation and still are today. However the physical was absent way before the split so I think that made the difference. We still love one another and want the best for one another but that did not mean the marriage could survive. I cherish the fact that with love and respect we have remained very amicable. Most people when they breakup are so into destroying the other that they forget the good in the other person. We knew we needed to go our seperate ways but that didn't mean we needed to tear the other down in the process. It was hard enough. I will always be grateful that our remorse and resentment didn't destroy the friendship that was left. It took time, but we never approached one another with a harsh tongue.

January 12, 2008 12:22 PM
Alex said:

Wow... It seems that I've found a pretty interesting source of information. I'm not done reading all of your posts, but your advice and perspective sound spot-on. Slightly amusing that I found your blog by searching for, "crib notes sex tips" on Yahoo! (crib notes is an allusion to a Seinfeld episode, but apparently, it's an archaic term, on the internet)

January 12, 2008 2:41 PM
Sophia said:

Unfortunately, I don't think it is possible to have a close relationship with your ex - at the same time, it is possible to have a casual relationship with them, calling for birthdays and inquiring about their family. My full thoughts are on: http://sophiasparx.blogspot.com

~Sophia Sparx

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