How to Tell When Something's Wrong
Your gut instinct is telling you something’s wrong but your partner’s denying it? Looking at how their body is reacting to you can sometimes be more accurate than the words coming out of his mouth.
It’s not great news if:
• They always look straight ahead when you’re walking together. Our natural inclination is to look ahead to make sure we don’t bump into anything! But if they’re really into you, they’ll often completely turn their head to face you. If neither one of you leads while walking, it means you’re in an equal relationship. But if your partner always walks ahead of you, they’re the ones guiding your love in whatever direction they choose.
• You’re in trouble if there’s lots of space between you when you stand together in public. The further apart you stand in public, the more distant you’re likely to be in private. If in doubt, check out your partner’s trunk (torso) posture: it’s a good indicator of feelings. If they’re not happy with you, they’ll be stiff and reluctant to ‘melt’ together.
• Watch to check their feet aren’t ‘running away’ from you. Our feet point to where we want to go. If their feet point away when you’re standing together, they’re planning to escape the first chance they get.
• Pay attention if they hug ‘high’ on your body or get you in a neckhold. The more controlling or powerful your partner is, the higher they hug on the body, putting an arm around your shoulder or neck. The more submissive hug is around the waist. It’s not necessarily a bad sign – it can mean they’re protective – but it could be a sign of possessiveness.
• It’s also significant if you walk at a different pace: If you’re striding ahead and they’re ambling along, stopping to smell the roses, tulips, gardenias, bluebells (you get the picture), give up now. Fast-paced and slow-paced people have to battle a multitude of problems to make things work. The couple who walk in step – forming mirror images of each other by adopting the same pace with the same leg leading – have a rosy future. It shows you’re both heading in the same direction and travelling at the same speed through life.
• Finally - and it sounds odd but it’s true - you need to beware if you’re totally confident your partner won’t stray. We get worse, not better, at spotting deceit the more we know someone. Why? We become overconfident we’ll spot the signs and less objective. Watch out if they: rub their ear (they don’t want to hear themselves lie), avoid eye contact (it’s hardest to lie when looking at someone) and not touching you (people find it almost impossible to lie while touching).
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• They always look straight ahead when you’re walking together. Our natural inclination is to look ahead to make sure we don’t bump into anything! But if they’re really into you, they’ll often completely turn their head to face you. If neither one of you leads while walking, it means you’re in an equal relationship. But if your partner always walks ahead of you, they’re the ones guiding your love in whatever direction they choose.
• You’re in trouble if there’s lots of space between you when you stand together in public. The further apart you stand in public, the more distant you’re likely to be in private. If in doubt, check out your partner’s trunk (torso) posture: it’s a good indicator of feelings. If they’re not happy with you, they’ll be stiff and reluctant to ‘melt’ together.
• Watch to check their feet aren’t ‘running away’ from you. Our feet point to where we want to go. If their feet point away when you’re standing together, they’re planning to escape the first chance they get.
• Pay attention if they hug ‘high’ on your body or get you in a neckhold. The more controlling or powerful your partner is, the higher they hug on the body, putting an arm around your shoulder or neck. The more submissive hug is around the waist. It’s not necessarily a bad sign – it can mean they’re protective – but it could be a sign of possessiveness.
• It’s also significant if you walk at a different pace: If you’re striding ahead and they’re ambling along, stopping to smell the roses, tulips, gardenias, bluebells (you get the picture), give up now. Fast-paced and slow-paced people have to battle a multitude of problems to make things work. The couple who walk in step – forming mirror images of each other by adopting the same pace with the same leg leading – have a rosy future. It shows you’re both heading in the same direction and travelling at the same speed through life.
• Finally - and it sounds odd but it’s true - you need to beware if you’re totally confident your partner won’t stray. We get worse, not better, at spotting deceit the more we know someone. Why? We become overconfident we’ll spot the signs and less objective. Watch out if they: rub their ear (they don’t want to hear themselves lie), avoid eye contact (it’s hardest to lie when looking at someone) and not touching you (people find it almost impossible to lie while touching).
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Tracy, you are so rignt but what if your'er trying to get in contact with someone and their just not responding to your calls until days later and always has an excuse for not answering but then their still telling you that they love.... you and only call when their out on a drinking binge and then wants to see you.
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Tracy, you are so right but what if your'er trying to get in contact with someone and their just not responding to your calls until days later and always has an excuse for not answering but then their still telling you that they love.... you and only call when their out on a drinking binge and then wants to see you.
Write back!
I would hesitate to over analyze body language this way. These signs could just mean a person needs space (which is healthy in relationship) or that they are comfortable enough with you that they don't have to constantly touch or gaze deeply into your eyes to know that there is trust and a connection between you. Also men absolutely HATE to have their every subconsciouses movement over analyzed by a woman. And frankly it smacks of insecurity if you are constantly checking to see how far away or what angle of lean your partner is at. If you are forced to resort to these methods of determining if your relationship in on the decline, it probably is. There are probably also more obvious signs that you have missed or your own waining attraction to your partner that have made you feel that something is rotten in you relationship. So while these are all very interseting social behaviors, I would not advise anyone to become paranoid over these behaviors. If you notice them, think not" are they still "in to" me", think "am I still into them."
I have Asperger's Syndrome, an Autistic Spectrum Disorder characterized by social communication difficulties, which includes problems sending and interpreting non-verbal cues (like body language). One stand-out symptom is an avoidance of eye contact and a sensitivity to touch.
Your advice on how to interpret body language would lead people to a false, negative, and even an emotionally harmful (or discriminatory) impression of those of us on the Autistic Spectrum. We do have many qualities on would find desirable to have in a mate. As a group, we are honest and loyal among other things; we can't help it - it's the way our brains are wired. (So don't ask us if that dress makes you look fat unless you really want to know. On the other hand, the answer will be just as honest if you ask if we love you. You'll always know exactly where we stand.)
Of course, your column is more of a "glamour" oriented piece, and disabilities or other conditions are not "glamourous" to many people. Still, columns like yours contribute to our continued marginalization by society, as your advice is absolutely useless for interpreting our body language. We are people too, after all. Please allow us the dignity of acknowledging our differences and our existence.
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