We’ve all done it: watched a romantic film with our partner and let out a little sigh, thinking ‘Why isn’t my relationship like that?’. Most of us realise NO relationships are like that and get on with it. But some people get stuck – and maybe that’s you. The problem, when you compare your real life relationship to the relationships you see on TV or the movies, is a feeling of constant dissatisfaction and disappointment. In fact, I think a big portion of the blame for our high divorce rate can be dumped straight at the feet of TV and Hollywood producers. Why? Because pretty much all the relationships on TV are based on a fairy floss model of monogamy. If the couple struggle at any point, it’s fixed within that half hour show. You don’t see a couple struggle for months trying to come up with a solution. Which is what happens in real life. You don’t see the boring bits because who wants to watch them? They’re cut out of the TV show or film because they’re boring – so we tend to think if our relationship has these boring points, it must be a boring relationship. It’s not boring, it’s normal. Even super stimulating, ‘perfect’ relationships have boring patches. It would be odd not to!


What isn’t depicted on television is that relationships wax and wane. Over a marriage of ten years, you might adore your partner the first two, resent them for the third for working too hard, the fifth year you had a child so you probably don’t have sex for the next two but on the eight anniversary you might look at each other and think ‘My God, haven’t we been through a lot and done well’ and you’re back in love again and even more in love than you were first time around.


I wish someone had told me that you can actually fall out of love with your partner and fall back in love with them. Because TV and the movies don’t show this, people leave when the relationship hits rock bottom not realising it might have recovered!


Sex on telly and in Hollywood is even more falsely represented. No one uses a condom, no one gets a sexually transmitted disease, no-one gets thrush, cystitis or even wind. And everyone has simultaneous orgasms. Which contrary to popular opinion – which says we have them as often as we have a hot breakfast – is extremely rare.


Then there’s the glamorous leading man we’re lusting after, wishing our partner were more like them. I hate to point out the obvious but the person you think you’re in love with is just an image –often a manufactured image deliberately put forward by their agent. They want to be seen a certain way so they behave a certain way. This is why kiss and tell stories sell so much – we hear the person we’ve been fantasising about is nothing like that in real life. A horrible disappointment, yes. But a reminder that no-one is perfect, so maybe your real life partner isn’t that bad after all!



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