First up, stop panicking. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re making the wrong decision, have hooked up with the wrong guy or about to leave your fiancee standing at the aisle. It actually means you take the commitment seriously - and that’s a good thing. Plenty of people I know have said to me ‘It’s no big deal. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll just get divorced’, before pulling down their veil and taking their father’s arm. At least you’re thinking about it!
It’s a completely normal reaction to freak a little because it does mean you’re losing freedom in the sense that you’re pledging monogamy. Just thank your lucky stars though it’s not the old days when you had to kiss goodbye to basically doing anything without your husband or wife. That’s why stag and hen’s nights were invented but are now really outdated – they were meant to celebrate your last night out with the lads or the girls. These days, you’re likely to be back out with the lads or the girls the week after the honeymoon. Things will change psychologically but if you’re already living together, day to day life will probably be just the same.
Having said that, while it’s natural to have last minute doubts, pay attention to them. If your doubts are about marriage as an institution and worries over whether you’ll end up a statistic and ‘ohmigod I have to be faithful forever; stuff, you’ll usually ok. They’re the things everyone grapples with, no matter how in love they are.
Also don’t be surprised if you start thinking about significant exes. It’s normal to think, ‘maybe I should have married so and so’. I know plenty of people in fact, who have gone back and had a final fling with an ex to convince themselves it really is over and they really should be marrying their current partner. I’m certainly not advocating that but I am saying thoughts about an ex aren’t uncommon.
What you do need to take notice of however are fears you’re settling down with the wrong person. If all of your friends and family are planning on wearing black to the wedding because they sooo don’t want you to marry this person, I’d be questioning myself too! Our friends and family can be right so-and-so’s sometimes but most of the time they just want us to be happy. And sometimes they see things you don’t.
Be wary also if you’re rushing into it. The question then is ‘Why?’. If you really are in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together, what’s the hurry? Long-term relationships tend to get boring very quickly. Weddings, buying a house, kids – we space them out to keep things interesting. If you speed it up and do everything in the first year, what’s left to look forward to? Now we all know people who’ve fallen in love and got married in six weeks and they’ve lived happily ever after. But we also know people who’ve done that and ended up with divorced six months later. Aka almost every celebrity in heat magazine. If you want to give your marriage the best possible chance, all the statistics say you should date for 18 months and marry after the two year mark. Getting married in the third year of knowing each other seems to be the safest bet.
What to do if think you are making the wrong choice? Rather than talk with friends/family or partner, I’d actually suggest taking yourself off to see a counsellor. Someone who can give you a totally objective viewpoint. Then maybe talk to a trusted friend or your partner. Also remember, you have an option of postponing your wedding so you don’t lose all your deposits etc. I know plenty of people who’ve put it off for six months or so, then ended up going ahead. Don’t be bullied.



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