iVillage - Tracey Cox Love Bytes

Fix Those Pre-Wedding Jitters

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:40:23 -0500

First up, stop panicking. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re making the wrong decision, have hooked up with the wrong guy or about to leave your fiancee standing at the aisle. It actually means you take the commitment seriously - and that’s a good thing. Plenty of people I know have said to me ‘It’s no big deal. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll just get divorced’, before pulling down their veil and taking their father’s arm. At least you’re thinking about it!
It’s a completely normal reaction to freak a little because it does mean you’re losing freedom in the sense that you’re pledging monogamy. Just thank your lucky stars though it’s not the old days when you had to kiss goodbye to basically doing anything without your husband or wife. That’s why stag and hen’s nights were invented but are now really outdated – they were meant to celebrate your last night out with the lads or the girls. These days, you’re likely to be back out with the lads or the girls the week after the honeymoon. Things will change psychologically but if you’re already living together, day to day life will probably be just the same.
Having said that, while it’s natural to have last minute doubts, pay attention to them. If your doubts are about marriage as an institution and worries over whether you’ll end up a statistic and ‘ohmigod I have to be faithful forever; stuff, you’ll usually ok. They’re the things everyone grapples with, no matter how in love they are.
Also don’t be surprised if you start thinking about significant exes. It’s normal to think, ‘maybe I should have married so and so’. I know plenty of people in fact, who have gone back and had a final fling with an ex to convince themselves it really is over and they really should be marrying their current partner. I’m certainly not advocating that but I am saying thoughts about an ex aren’t uncommon.
What you do need to take notice of however are fears you’re settling down with the wrong person. If all of your friends and family are planning on wearing black to the wedding because they sooo don’t want you to marry this person, I’d be questioning myself too! Our friends and family can be right so-and-so’s sometimes but most of the time they just want us to be happy. And sometimes they see things you don’t.
Be wary also if you’re rushing into it. The question then is ‘Why?’. If you really are in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together, what’s the hurry? Long-term relationships tend to get boring very quickly. Weddings, buying a house, kids – we space them out to keep things interesting. If you speed it up and do everything in the first year, what’s left to look forward to? Now we all know people who’ve fallen in love and got married in six weeks and they’ve lived happily ever after. But we also know people who’ve done that and ended up with divorced six months later. Aka almost every celebrity in heat magazine. If you want to give your marriage the best possible chance, all the statistics say you should date for 18 months and marry after the two year mark. Getting married in the third year of knowing each other seems to be the safest bet.
What to do if think you are making the wrong choice? Rather than talk with friends/family or partner, I’d actually suggest taking yourself off to see a counsellor. Someone who can give you a totally objective viewpoint. Then maybe talk to a trusted friend or your partner. Also remember, you have an option of postponing your wedding so you don’t lose all your deposits etc. I know plenty of people who’ve put it off for six months or so, then ended up going ahead. Don’t be bullied.

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Why Break-Up Sex Is So Good

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 14:13:54 -0500

People react in different ways when they realise they’re about to split up - they either get horribly, horribly upset and want to cry. Or they get angry. Or, if you both sort of know it’s coming, they get nostalgic. Thing is, all three reactions produce one thing: strong emotion. And strong emotion is always accompanied by high hormone levels. Because sexual stimulation also causes a surge in our hormones, the brain can sometimes think, ‘Hang on, I know what this means - they’re about to have sex!’. Which is why couples suddenly find themselves incredibly turned on and having fantastic sex in the aftermath of one of the saddest or horrible moments of their life.
On top of this, there’s the thought that this is probably the last time you’ll ever have sex with this person for the rest of your life. The emotion behind it makes this sex session far more meaningful than others. If that’s the last time, it can sometimes also mean it’s the only time you ever let go. You don’t mind exposing your ‘real’ sexual self - maybe one that’s a little less squeaky clean than you’ve lead your partner to believe - because who cares if they judge you? They’ve already rejected you or you’ve rejected them.
The problem, of course, with having great break-up sex is this: you both look at each other afterward and wonder why the hell you’re breaking up if the sex is beyond spectacular. And sometimes, you’re right. If the problem you’re splitting over is trivial or solveable, connecting in such a powerful way might be enough to jolt you both out of stubborn sulks and into sensible problem solving mode. But be warned: a great roll in the hay does not always mean it’s still worth sharing the barn together.
Fact: if you decide you do want to stay together, don’t be surprised if your sex life rather rapidly returns to whatever it was like before the break-up. Secondly - and most importantly - great sex alone isn’t enough to build a life-lasting relationship on. You need other things to go with it. Even if the sex was the best you’ve had in your life, if you can’t see eye to eye out of bed, it’s pointless. People break up for a reason and since you two were about to, you’re still better off focusing on that and coming up with solutions, than jumping back in bed for round two. However tempting that might be!

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Watch Tracey's TODAY Show Video

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:45:35 -0500

Missed Tracey's appearance on TODAY? You can still catch all her tips on handling jealousy in relationships.
Click here to see the video!

Tracey Cox on the TODAY Show!

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:05:00 -0500

Did you catch Tracey Cox on the TODAY show? Check out more from the iVillage sex expert, starting with some of our all-time favorite columns:

PLUS: Try Tracey's New Perfect Position Selector Tool!

Tips for Dealing with a Jealous Partner

Why You Don't Have a TV-Ready Relationship

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 11:08:39 -0500

We’ve all done it: watched a romantic film with our partner and let out a little sigh, thinking ‘Why isn’t my relationship like that?’. Most of us realise NO relationships are like that and get on with it. But some people get stuck – and maybe that’s you. The problem, when you compare your real life relationship to the relationships you see on TV or the movies, is a feeling of constant dissatisfaction and disappointment. In fact, I think a big portion of the blame for our high divorce rate can be dumped straight at the feet of TV and Hollywood producers. Why? Because pretty much all the relationships on TV are based on a fairy floss model of monogamy. If the couple struggle at any point, it’s fixed within that half hour show. You don’t see a couple struggle for months trying to come up with a solution. Which is what happens in real life. You don’t see the boring bits because who wants to watch them? They’re cut out of the TV show or film because they’re boring – so we tend to think if our relationship has these boring points, it must be a boring relationship. It’s not boring, it’s normal. Even super stimulating, ‘perfect’ relationships have boring patches. It would be odd not to!

What isn’t depicted on television is that relationships wax and wane. Over a marriage of ten years, you might adore your partner the first two, resent them for the third for working too hard, the fifth year you had a child so you probably don’t have sex for the next two but on the eight anniversary you might look at each other and think ‘My God, haven’t we been through a lot and done well’ and you’re back in love again and even more in love than you were first time around.

I wish someone had told me that you can actually fall out of love with your partner and fall back in love with them. Because TV and the movies don’t show this, people leave when the relationship hits rock bottom not realising it might have recovered!

Sex on telly and in Hollywood is even more falsely represented. No one uses a condom, no one gets a sexually transmitted disease, no-one gets thrush, cystitis or even wind. And everyone has simultaneous orgasms. Which contrary to popular opinion – which says we have them as often as we have a hot breakfast – is extremely rare.

Then there’s the glamorous leading man we’re lusting after, wishing our partner were more like them. I hate to point out the obvious but the person you think you’re in love with is just an image –often a manufactured image deliberately put forward by their agent. They want to be seen a certain way so they behave a certain way. This is why kiss and tell stories sell so much – we hear the person we’ve been fantasising about is nothing like that in real life. A horrible disappointment, yes. But a reminder that no-one is perfect, so maybe your real life partner isn’t that bad after all!

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How to Tell When Something's Wrong

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 11:05:46 -0500

Your gut instinct is telling you something’s wrong but your partner’s denying it? Looking at how their body is reacting to you can sometimes be more accurate than the words coming out of his mouth. It’s not great news if:

• They always look straight ahead when you’re walking together. Our natural inclination is to look ahead to make sure we don’t bump into anything! But if they’re really into you, they’ll often completely turn their head to face you. If neither one of you leads while walking, it means you’re in an equal relationship. But if your partner always walks ahead of you, they’re the ones guiding your love in whatever direction they choose.
• You’re in trouble if there’s lots of space between you when you stand together in public. The further apart you stand in public, the more distant you’re likely to be in private. If in doubt, check out your partner’s trunk (torso) posture: it’s a good indicator of feelings. If they’re not happy with you, they’ll be stiff and reluctant to ‘melt’ together.
• Watch to check their feet aren’t ‘running away’ from you. Our feet point to where we want to go. If their feet point away when you’re standing together, they’re planning to escape the first chance they get.
• Pay attention if they hug ‘high’ on your body or get you in a neckhold. The more controlling or powerful your partner is, the higher they hug on the body, putting an arm around your shoulder or neck. The more submissive hug is around the waist. It’s not necessarily a bad sign – it can mean they’re protective – but it could be a sign of possessiveness.
• It’s also significant if you walk at a different pace: If you’re striding ahead and they’re ambling along, stopping to smell the roses, tulips, gardenias, bluebells (you get the picture), give up now. Fast-paced and slow-paced people have to battle a multitude of problems to make things work. The couple who walk in step – forming mirror images of each other by adopting the same pace with the same leg leading – have a rosy future. It shows you’re both heading in the same direction and travelling at the same speed through life.
• Finally - and it sounds odd but it’s true - you need to beware if you’re totally confident your partner won’t stray. We get worse, not better, at spotting deceit the more we know someone. Why? We become overconfident we’ll spot the signs and less objective. Watch out if they: rub their ear (they don’t want to hear themselves lie), avoid eye contact (it’s hardest to lie when looking at someone) and not touching you (people find it almost impossible to lie while touching).

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Is He Still In Love With You? How to Tell

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:02:41 -0500

Body language speaks volumes and if you really want to know how good your relationship is, you’re often better off looking at your partner’s actions rather than their words.

It’s all good news if:

• You ‘eskimo kiss’ They appear less intimate than a mouth-to-mouth snog, but an Eskimo kiss is actually more so because eye contact is maintained. A loving rather than sexual gesture, we rub or touch noses only with people we are extremely fond of. It hints at a carefree, playful happiness with little or zero relationship angst.
• They press their pelvis close to yours. The closer the groin, the more sexually satisfied the couple. If your chests also touch it means you’re happy emotionally as well. Lots of space between upper bodies despite touching groins are a sign your hearts aren’t connecting even if your sexual bits are.
• You touch foreheads. It’s impossible to interact with anyone else while standing like this, so it’s a rather effective way of creating a ‘bubble for two’ from the rest of the world.
• They place a hand on your lower stomach. This means one of two things. It’s either a proprietorial, protective gesture (they’re warning other people off by staking their claim) or a direct sexual invitation of things to come (literally).
• They place an open, flat palm planted on your chest If it’s pressed against your heart it suggests honesty of emotion. Celebrity couples hoping to convince a dubious public their love is sincere, will often use the hand-on-heart gesture, hoping the symbolism isn’t lost.
• They put their hand on your bottom. This announces to all and sundry that this is your sexual partner. It’s cheeky and naughtily playful since fingers are now straying into intimate zones. A common man to woman ownership gesture, confident women don’t think twice before slipping a hand into their man’s jean pocket but a shy girl wouldn’t dream of it.
• You have lots of full body hugs. The couple who enjoys lots of full body hugs are usually having good, satisfying sex on a regular basis. If their hands often sneak under your coat or clothing to ensure even closer contact between torsos, you’re in especially good shape. If sex is bad or infrequent, hugs are usually the first to go. They’re embarrassing - an acute reminder your bodies should be touching for other reasons, not just affection. Staying physically close by hugging, also ensures you both continue to release oxytocin, the hormone responsible for wanting to snuggle.
• They prefer putting an arm around your waist, rather than holding hands. Hand-holding stops your bodies getting close, hugging around the waist means your sides can press against each other. Also significant: hugging you with hands completely encircling your waist, fingers intertwined. Not only does this pull you as close as possible, the knitted fingers mean they’re fiercely protective and don’t want to let you go. Consider yourself adored!

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Managing Your Long-Distance Relationship

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 12:50:40 -0500

Gone are the days of settling for the girl or boy next door - we travel more and want more from relationships, so we’re not prepared to cross someone off the list just because they live far away. Good for us - but it still doesn’t make long-distance love any easier. Forget even contemplating it unless you’re prepared to put up with the following:

Accept it’s going to be hard. Building and sustaining a relationship is hard even if you see each other daily. Trying to do it only through email, IM and phone brings new meaning to the word ‘frustration’. It helps if you had a relationship before you separated because at least you know each other and which buttons not to push. If you’ve only ever been long-distance it makes all the second-guessing even harder.
Work out if you can afford it. They’re expensive. Sure you can communicate lots for free over the net but when the going gets tough, both of you will have the urge to jump on planes (paying through the nose for a ticket) in lovesick desperation. If it doesn’t work out, will you resent having kissed goodbye all that cash as well as him?
Are you willing to feel lonely? When the rest of your friends head home in nicely matched pairs, you travel solo to an empty flat and bed - often worrying they’re curled up in theirs with someone else. If you’ve had an argument over the phone, you can’t physically kiss and makeup and the lack of touch (let alone other things) is often what makes couples give up.
Does it have a light at the end of tunnel? If neither of you can conceive of ever living in the same place, what’s the point? Also think about what you might have to sacrifice if one of you does move: job, family, friends. Are you liable to feel resentful?
Can you trust? You need bucketloads of it. Even then, you need constant communication to keep it going. Ideally, contact each other at least once a day. Even if it’s just a text message - you both need reminders you’re on their mind as much as they’re on yours.
Don’t make time together too romantic. I know it’s tempting to plan every last second so it’s all perfect, but you’re not doing yourselves any favours. Instead, try to live as you would if you were living together and use the time to find out if you really would be compatible long-term. If you find you get on better when you’re apart, could be you’re in love with the idea of each other rather than who you really are.

Managing your long-distance love

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Being Friends With an Ex

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 10:48:27 -0500

Can you really be friends with an ex? I think you can. I know a lot of the time we say ‘Let’s be friends’ even though we know damn well we’ll be crossing the street to avoid them from then on, there are times when you really do mean it. Love changes into caring and before you know it, you’re boyfriend has turned into a best friend.

Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

Friendships with exes are special: there’s a comfortableness that you’re only really able to achieve between men and women once sex is out of the way. So of course exes can be friends! But there are two golden rules you must abide by. You need to give each other time to make the transition from lovers to friends and the split has to be pretty mutual. In other words, neither of you is still in love with the other or has a hidden agenda of wanting to take it further.

Another word of warning, be wary of using exes as substitute boyfriends. If you’re such good friends you rarely venture out without the other, your chances of meeting someone new are slim. Everyone who knows you will assume you’ve still got something going and strangers always assume any male/female combo is a couple. And let’s face it: no matter how cool you are, it’s pretty hard to watch someone you loved chat someone up or be chatted up.

Then there’s the sex thing. Sex with an ex is awfully tempting when you’re both out, a little bit tiddly - as horny as hell and - here’s the clincher - you’ve done it with them before! It feels like the perfect solution - far better than a one-night-stand with a stranger for instance! - but as much as you’re right on that one, I’d still steer clear. It’s hard enough moving from girlfriend and boyfriend to friends, moving back into halfway land makes it even more confusing. Sex does weird things to women. Mother Nature makes us secrete and absorb all sorts of hormones designed to make you want to make babies the minute you’re making whoopee. If you didn’t still secretly hold a candle for him before having sex, you might fine the flame reignites. Is that a good or a bad thing? Up to you. But don’t say you haven’t been warned…

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Have the Best Sex Ever in 2008

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 11:26:38 -0500

Fancy making 2008 the year you had the best sex of your life? Here’s some surefire ways to make this one New Year’s Eve resolution, one you actually stick to:

*Stop seeing sex as a series of steps toward an end goal (intercourse/orgasm), stay focused on the here and now, not where you’re going. Happiness is a means of travelling and all that. Simple advice but it’ll make an extraordinary difference to your satisfaction levels. Sex doesn’t have a beginning, middle and an end, so stop thinking that way.

*Vary the way you have your orgasms by forcing yourself to break out of your comfort zone. Most of us tend to orgasm in the one way that’s easiest and ignore the alternatives. Say you only orgasm through oral sex? Well...ban it for a month! Yes, you’ll hate it. But you won’t later if you master other techniques. Your body will resist initially, then it’ll respond with: ‘Well I’m obviously not getting any tongue action here, I might as well try to get used to his fingers instead’. By varying your means to orgasm, you’ll up the chances of becoming multi-orgasmic.

*Have sense-ational sex: dull one sense each time you have sex to heighten the others. Here’s your deprivation device timetable: Sight session: blindfolds. Hearing session: ear-plugs. Touch session: each of you have your hands tied behind your back (it’s fiddly tying theirs when yours are tied as well, but it can be done!). Taste session: no mouth contact at all. Smell session: ummmm – OK, I admit defeat (I draw the line at holding each other's nose). Instead, do the opposite for this one and focus on smell (as in burn some aromatherapy oils or massage each other scented lotions). It’s actually a very good idea to link sex and smell. According to research, memories of sex are the quickest to fade because the feelings come from a primitive part of the brain which has little capacity to store memory. Smell, on the other hand, has a powerful effect on memory. Wear a particular perfume each time you have sex or burn an aromatherapy oil and your sex memories will be much easier to recall. The next time you smell the scent, your brain instantly conjures up how fab it felt—encouraging you to go for a repeat, even if you are both dog-tired.

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Keeping It Hot During Holidays Apart

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:55:29 -0500

The obvious way is phone sex. Lots of people find talking dirty embarrassing face-to-face but can handle it via the phone because they can’t be seen. But if you’re really shy, why don’t you turn each other on via instant messaging? Writing something is even less traumatic than saying it! Simply start by saying how much you miss having sex with each other, then elaborate on which particular things you’re missing most (‘I wish you were kissing my breasts right now’). Throw in a few ‘I’m touching myself’ type sentences and you’re well on your way to happy endings.

Keep it hot during your holidays apart

If you like doing this, you can email or text each other sexy pictures - though a heavy warning goes with this one, only EVER do this with a partner you’ve been with for a very long time, who you trust implicitly and who’ll delete the images once you’ve finished your sexy session. Yes it’s tempting to keep them to look at later but only ever do this if absolutely no-one has access to your phone or computer. So a bit of phone or instant messaging sex with some visual stimulation thrown in - that should keep you going while you’re away. So a bit of advice for when you finally do get together.

All this sexy long-distance foreplay is going to result in lots of sex when you both get home. Prevent yourselves getting sore by using lots of lubricant and showering soon after sex so your parts don’t get irritated from any fluids. Continually switch between different types of sexual stimulation so you don’t continually chafe one particular area and break long bouts of intercourse with lots of oral sex. Tongues are marvelously gentle and soothing!

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How to Have Hot Sex During the Holidays

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:55:29 -0500

Pretty twinkling lights, catching up with old friends, the smell of Christmas trees filling the air - Christmas is a lovely time of the year. But along with the nice stuff comes stress - with a capital S. Too much food, too much to drink, being forced to spend time with each other’s families, who you maybe don’t get on with too well - it’s no wonder even the happiest couples argue.

Want this Christmas to be different - a time for great sex as well as good cheer? Here’s what to do:

Avoid arguments over alcohol by setting limits - or setting each other free on the odd occasion. Come on, you know he’s going to be horribly sloshed after his office Christmas party. So don’t insist on him being home at a certain time - or even staying with you that night if you don’t live together. Let him enjoy himself without pressure as an extra present from you - and get him to do the same.

For events where you’ll be together, agree beforehand on how many drinks is acceptable for both of you or have a signal when you see your partner tipping over the edge. A good reason to resist drinking too much: If you’re planning on having sex when you get home, too many drinks makes it almost impossible for either of you to orgasm because it desensitises everything.

Handle the family situation by compromising. If you don’t get on with his family, make an appearance for a little while, then return to your family after a few hours. People understand family pressures, so it’s not rude to say your own family expect you back. Forced to spend all of Christmas there? Both discreetly disappear and have secret snogs - or more - in the loo while everyone else is preoccupied. Sharing a naughty secret makes everything more bearable - and the time go much faster!

Another way to spice things up is to fill his Christmas stocking with sexy stocking fillers rather than the usual socks or chocs! There are lots of little gifts that don’t cost much but are infinitely more exciting! Try a vibrating penis ring (around $10) to turn him into a human vibrator. Orgasm enhancing creams (around $20) are also fun: most contain l-arginine that increases the blood flow to the clitoris, upping sensation simultaneously. Fingertip micro vibrators (around $10) are designed to give pulsating pleasure, anytime, anywhere and also throw in a pocket-size sex book (around $12) or raunchy card or board game.

How to have hot sex during the holidays

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Damage Control after the Office Party

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:55:29 -0500

We’ve all been there: woken up the day after the party and felt the horror wash over us. And the hangover kick in. If what you did wasn’t that serious, wait until the hangover has passed for a start. The next day, things often seem much worse than they actually were. Plus the person you need to apologise probably has a hangover too, so they’ll be grumpy as well. If you can possibly do it, wait a day.

Damage control after the office party

If you think you’ve done something which needs fixing immediately – like insulted the boss or your best friend – call the second you can form a coherent sentence. Say ‘I can’t even think straight yet but I know I was in the wrong and I know I would be desperately gutted if I lost my job/lost you as a friend. Can we meet up tomorrow and talk about it.’ Even if they’re huffy, you’ve said I’m sorry and that counts for so much. Acknowledge respect – make it clear even though you behaved badly, it wasn’t out of disrespect just stupidness. ‘I can’t believe I got so drunk when I value your opinion of me so much’ etc.

If you had an argument but it seriously wasn’t your fault, say ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. Say ‘I hate the fact we had a fight. How can WE make sure it doesn’t happen again’.

You’re tempted to leave it alone rather than confront the situation head on? This depends on the personality of the person, as well as your own and how damaging the situation was. If they’re easy going and liable to forget about it over time, maybe you’re right to let it be. But if they’re quite intense and emotional, confront them because otherwise they’ll fixate on it and make it bigger than it was. It also depends on who it was. Upsetting an acquaintance is one thing, upsetting your boss or your best workmate quite another.

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Flirting at the Office Holiday Party

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:52:46 -0500

If you’ve fancied a colleague for ages but never had the guts to chat them up, the office Christmas party seems like the ideal time to let them know you’re free, willing and able. And assuming you’re not planning on launching into a dramatic ‘I’ve dreamt of you and I getting married every night for the last year’, you could be right. But there’s a more subtle way to do it than simply drunkenly draping yourself all over them after six gin and tonics.

Start by putting some feelers out before the party. But be warned: if you ask someone else in their office, straight out, if they think the person you fancy fancies you back, don’t kid yourself. The person in question will be told you’ve been asking – along with everyone else in the office – which means the entire office will be trained on the two of you at the party. If they haven’t already put bets on what will happen, believe me, they will be by their third drink. Instead, lay the groundwork with the person themselves. Simply ask them if they’re going and say, ‘Great. I’m really looking forward to being able to have a chat outside work.’. That’s all you need to say. If they’re interested, they’ll take that a green light. If they’re not, you haven’t completely embarrassed yourself because you could have been just being friendly.

When you arrive at the party, catch their eye and smile at them. Do they smile back? Did they see you look at them? Do this a couple of times and if they’ve smiled back and keep looking back to meet your eyes, it’s a pretty good bet they’re keen for you to approach them.

Find an excuse to walk past. Do they look like they need a drink top up? Do they look bored stupid with the person they’re talking to? Are they laughing a lot? Find some reason to walk their way and then stop and make a comment. ‘So what’s so funny then?’ – ‘You look like you need a top up. I’m just going to get another drink, you want one?’ The trick is to make a comment which doesn’t sound like you’re going to hang around forever. I’m going to the bar and just passing/I want to be let in on the joke, not interrupt your entire conversation.

Have your little chat then leave. Don’t go far, just move away to see what happens then. Do they try to stop you leaving? Do they continue to look over and smile and make eye contact? Do they turn their back and lean down to whisper something to their friend, which is quite obviously ‘Thank God they’ve gone’. If they look slightly put out you’ve left, leave it five minutes or so then go back again - or, which is the best result of all, let them come to you!

Flirting at the office holiday party

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Interpreting His Christmas Gift

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 13:00:37 -0500

We attach a great deal of significance to presents - not necessarily because of how much they cost but the thought that’s gone into them. Presents tell us whether someone has ‘got’ us - really understood our true, core personality, our dreams - and our dislikes.

What do his gifts really mean?

So what did your gift mean?

‘Smelly’ presents - like perfume or scented candles and body lotions - mean he likes you, but is either unadventurous, nervous about choosing for you - or (sorry) couldn’t really be bothered putting that much thought into it.
Lingerie usually means he’s very into you sexually. If it’s beautiful he wanted to spoil you - or encourage you to dress up for him. If it’s tacky, he wants more sex - and more adventurous sex.
Any type of jewelry is usually a pretty good sign - especially if it’s from a ‘romantic’ reputable store like Tiffany’s. Any type of ring is significant for obvious reasons - he’ll only go there if he intends sticking around (though sometimes a pretty non-engagement ring can mean ‘Look I’m committed but don’t’ rush me!).
'Together’ presents like a cookery course for two or tickets to an event is a great sign - especially if it’s for something which doesn’t happen for a little while. That says ‘I’m confident we’re staying together’.
Then, of course, there’s the card which goes with the present. Now, don’t be too critical here. Women are generally better at words and expressing themselves. He might only have written ‘Happy Christmas. Thanks for being in my life.’ But he probably took about three hours coming up with it.

Finally, while presents are significant, take into account your partner's personality. Some people like making a fuss of Christmas and birthdays, others don’t. His present can give you clues for what he’s feeling, but, as always, look at the big picture.

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